My best friend's wedding
by Jynova
Summary: Lelouch Lamperouge and Suzaku Kururugi are best friends with benefits until Suzaku falls in love and confesses to Lelouch, who rejects him/it. So they remain best friends with benefits for years after, until Lelouch gets a phone call that will change his life. Suzaku has fallen in love and is getting married in 2 weeks. UH OH. (Kinda like movie) Su x Lu rated M.
1. Chapter 1

Riinnngggg

"Hey Lelouch…!" Lelouch Lamperouge rolled over groaning, ready to throw the offending phone through his hotel window.

"Suzaku…? It's 2 a.m. why are you call…oh…"

"Lelouch, no… no… I just wanted to talk to my best friend. I miss you is all!"

"You couldn't wait to tell me that nonsense at a reasonable hour?! And even if you waited for a reasonable hour, what makes you think I wanna hear that nonsense?! What is wrong with you? Are you rolling?!" Lelouch chided the boy on the other end. His smile however, the smile that was in no way apparent over telephone lines, completely contradicted his words. Plus, Suzaku and Lelouch had had amazing phone sex when Suzaku was "poisoned" with MDMA (by his friend Rivalz), so it didn't hurt to bring it up, maybe make the 2 a.m. call worth something. He was already up. (in more than one way).

"God Lelouch that was only one time and… I don't want to talk about that either… I just haven't talked to you in over 6 months and, you know, I just wanted to see how you were and… talk to you about something very important" Suzakus voice seemed teeming with joy laced with just a twinge of hesitancy. Lelouch had never heard the mixture before.

"Hrmmm? What are you waiting for then idiot? Speak your peace then afford me mine."

"Are you sitting down?"

"I'm going to die… die from someone else's stupidity, is that a thing?"

"Ok ok, I'm sorry, I'm just so nervous… Lelouch… I'm getting married and I want you to be my best man" Lelouch fell off the bed. Never mind that he was nowhere near the edge or at an angle for such an occurrence to even be possible. It was as if an invisible being had come and reached into his heart with one hand and onto his back with the other and flung him out of bed.

"Lelouch? What happened? Are you OK?"

"Suzaku… I'm in NO mood for your jokes, it's late, this isn't funny…" Deny and avoid and project and redirect and ignore, this HAD TO BE A JOKE.

"Lelouch… I met her 3 months ago, her name is Euphemia… or Euphy as everyone calls her, I… she's amazing Lelouch, you'll LOVE HER, she knows all about you, I talk about you all the time. She even knows the prior nature of our relationship but…" Lelouch winced at the word 'prior' "she knows that we weren't in love or anything and she definitely knows that I'm head over heels in love with her and she's so excited to meet you!..."

"… … … …" Lelouch had dropped the phone and run to the bathroom to hyperventilate.

"Lelouch?"

"LELOUCH?"

Lelouch hurried back out after splashing some water on his face.

"S..sorry Suzaku, it's just… you can't honestly say that you LOVE someone after only knowing them for three months. It's not that I don't want you to be happy (with me, be happy WITH ME), it's just that, you're my best friend and I'm protective of you and three months is so ridiculous. I've known you for 11 years and I barely like you (… I'm in love with you) so… pardon my skepticism… my totally justifiable skepticism"

"Lelouch, that was… sweet, in your own Lelouch-way. I'm not asking you to abandon your doubt. I'm just asking you to get to know her. Test her all you want, test me while you're at it, test our love, we both welcome it." Lelouch wanted to just shout at him to stop using the word LOVE (in regards to another woman that is).

"Suzaku… don't you prefer guys?" Lelouch was now just looking for any idle reason he could find to end an engagement, over the phone, at 2 am, with his best friend. It's not as if he didn't know that his best friend was bi-sexual and therefore, completely defensible in falling in love with a girl. What he didn't know or realize or was in denial about was that it was possible for his best friend to find a girl or anyone else to fall in love with.

"Lelouch… love is love. Guy or girl doesn't matter. I loved you at one point, you're a guy. And now I'm in love again, with a girl" Lelouch closed his eyes so tightly, he started seeing gray-scale shapes morphing all around him. He remembered the day Suzaku told him he loved him. He remembered talking the emerald-eyed boy down to believing that his feelings were wrong and ill placed and definitely not reciprocated. He lied. He did it because his real name wasn't Lelouch Lamperouge, like his best friend thought, but Lelouch Vi Britannia. The long lost run-away prince who had to stay on the move so that his family wouldn't find him. Lelouch knew he couldn't provide stability for Suzaku, he couldn't give the boy the promise of safety or security. So he lied. But… he never stopped loving him and now that there was a chance, a strong likelihood really, that he could lose him? No. that was NOT an option. Granted he didn't have everything figured at this junction. But he knew this much… Suzaku Kururugi was his. Not some bimbo girls.

"Send me the address, I'll fly out as soon as I can, when is this so-called wedding?"

"Lelouch, I said you could test our love" 'STOP SAYING LOVE GOD DAMNIT' "but that doesn't mean I'll stand by and allow derisive comments about us or our engagement" 'WHAT?! Oh god, this might be harder than I thought' Lelouch felt sick.

"Suzaku… shut up, I will say however many derisive things I want to, also, let's not forget who taught you that word, I taught it to you, I can unteach it to you too, I have no problem smacking the word out of your head" 'Honestly, how could Suzaku already feel so possessive about someone, enough to already reprimand me for MY PERSONALITY?!'

"haha, Lelouch, the wedding… oh God, please don't kill me… the wedding is in two weeks. And you HAVE to be my best man. And now you can go ahead and scold me all you want for being irresponsible and not telling you ahead of time and all that, just please avoid the topic of it being a mistake to marry her, scold me all you want about any of my other decisions or demands, just not for marrying her" Lelouch fell off the bed again. This time though, he was already teetering on the edge.

"Suzaku… Oh… Suzaku…" Lelouch felt sick and his usual eloquent-self fled deep into the haven his splintered mind offered. Lelouch would usually have LOVED when Suzaku used the word scold with him. It would lead to some very fun and sexually satisfying memories that Lelouch regularly called upon as fantasies. But now? In this context? He wanted to guinely scold Suzaku. He wanted to beat the stupid right out of him or maybe beat something else out of him (love? Cum?). But he couldn't, he had to treat this matter delicately so as not to alienate himself or possibly even drive the semi-impulsive brunette to an even earlier marriage.

"Lelouch… I'm sorry I sprung this on you like this. You know if you were stationary for more than a few weeks or so, I would have come and told you in person but that's the problem…" Suzaku's beautiful gentle voice pulled on Lelouch's heart strings.

"Yeah Suzaku… that is the problem, isn't it…" Lelouch sighed. He never had a reason to really hate or second guess the decision he made to leave his abusive home behind. He came close to it once, the day the emerald-eyed boy told him he loved him, but today, today he felt full blown regret for a lot of things.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, so even though I WAS planning on abandoning this fic. I got a desperate review and I'm a sucker for those because I've left my fair share of them. SOo I'm continuing it BUT I'm not proof reading

"Lelouch…!" Suzaku Kururugi looked like a puppy had just come across his owner after a long separation. Lelouch loved that face and accompanying enthusiasm. It always translated to amazing sex. But this was going to be different. Platonic. 'FUCKING EW'

"Suzaku…! Calm down, we spoke over skype before I got on the plane."

Lelouch melted into Suzaku's arms when the brunette hugged him. Then it got awkward when their eyes met. Awkward because Suzaku broke eye contact first, he had NEVER done that before. But if there was one thing Lelouch could hold onto during this trying time, it was that there was definite chemistry, maybe even latent love when their eyes briefly held each others gazes. Suzaku disengaged the hug first. 'UGH. This is going to SUCK.' (Especially because Lelouch couldn't drag Suzaku off to actually SUCK… him off, in the bathroom, like they had the last time he picked him up from the airport… Lelouch really needed it right now too, because of the stress, brought on by aforementioned 'former' sucking machine… if the situation wasn't what it was, the Literature Geek in Lelouch would have died from happiness at the tragic irony) 'but he won't be 'former' much longer.' Lelouch was going to get his Suzaku back, somehow. The raven-haired man had taken the first flight out and his sporadic anxiety attacks left little time for him to consider the details of his plan but he had some idea what he would say.

"Suzaku… would you mind if we went straight to my hotel for a little bit? I wanted to unwind and well, let's catch up… and talk." 'About your stupid idiotic decision and how we can let your fiancée down easy when you call off this ridiculous wedding.'

"I know that tone… I'm about to get lectured. OK Professor Lamperouge, let's go." Oh. That hurt. Emotionally and physically because Suzaku had just made platonic a very sexual fetish they shared. So it hurt emotionally because Lelouch loved Suzaku. And physically because now he had to will his erection down. Lelouch glared at his pants as if his scowl would kill anything, erections included. It worked. His hardening state went soft, jelly soft.

"What are you glaring at Lelouch?!"

"A child spilled some ice cream on my shoes on the plane. I was remembering the jack ass who ruined the $30 dollar shoe shine I got at the airport before leaving."

"You got a $30 shoe shine? A little excessive, wouldn't you say?" Lelouch wanted to tell Suzaku he did it because the man was there with his daughter who was crippled. Lelouch Vi Britannia has… had a sister, Nunnally Vi Britannia. She was Lelouch's life blood and the reason he left, to keep her safe. But it would be too risky to tell his best friend any of this. And that fact hurt Lelouch the most.

"So how long do you want to stay at your hotel? I REALLY want you to meet Euphy." OH. And that was ANOTHER THING. Euphy was the name of one of his half-sisters. Granted, there was probably a "Euphy" in every household in Pendragon considering she was one of the popular royals. And not just to the people, but to Lelouch too, she was one of the only ones of his siblings that Lelouch had actually LIKED. The fact that Suzaku was now dating a girl with the same name was frustrating for Lelouch, to say the least. 'To say the most, FUCK THIS FUCKING FUCK FUCK SITUATION… FUCK.' Lelouch had developed a very recent (a day or so old) infatuation with the word, because it fit so WELL how he felt and fit so WELL what he wanted.

"I think a few hours, can her highness and his majesty spare that? Or do you need your minions to dance for you before then?" Lelouch had also developed a very recent (a day or so old) infatuation with condescending allusions to royalty, for an obvious reason.

"Lelouch, you are much more irate than you usually are after travelling. A… are you really that mad at me?" Lelouch's heart broke at the hurt look on Suzaku's face. The raven-haired boy could never stand seeing Suzaku hurt. And god help them all if those emerald eyes starting crying. Lelouch would probably dawn a black mask and destroy Britannia as a rogue terrorist for Suzaku if anybody made him cry. Also because well, Suzaku was part of the Britannian army. That in itself was a whole jumbled mess that could probably take up 50 episodes of a show if it needed to be properly told. But well, sufficed to say, it was a source of resentment and endless arguments between the two. Lelouch would have to find countless reasons (and there were plenty, Suzaku himself was a prime example of one) other than Lelouch's Britannian royal heritage for why Britannia was the devil incarnate. But Suzaku... UGH naive, innocent Suzaku... with his stupid ideals. Ideals that made Lelouch love him even more. 'FUCK I'm fucked up.' A trait Lelouch had long ago come to accept.

"I'm not that mad Suzaku. I'm more concerned. You know, I might not be in love with you (LIE) but I do love you, very much and this is… let's just please talk when we get to the hotel, I need a drink and I want to get some in you too." Lelouch really was hoping that loosening up his best friend would be enough to lower his inhibitions, enough to break off the engagement and enough for them to… frolic.

* * *

"Ok I'm ordering room service, gin and tonic, right?"

"Actually Lelouch, I don't want to drink, if that's ok"

"It's not, -a gin and tonic… make that two and extra strong and another two Tullamore Dew's with ice on the side. Double shots. Triple. Bring the whole bottle." Lelouch hung up and looked over to a shocked Suzaku. The raven-haired male couldn't help but chuckle at how cute he looked. God he just wanted to go kiss him.

"Lelouch. You're already a light weight, what are you going to do with a whole bottle of irish whiskey?"

"It's cute that you remember that it's an Irish Whiskey. And I'll probably get drunk and hit you over the head with it for being so obtuse and marrying someone so quickly after you've met them. Not to mention thinking you're in love with her."

"I AM in love with her Lelouch. I… I… Never thought I could feel this way after… well… you know." Lelouch's heart literally broke a little.

"I know Suzaku. And I want you to find someone (or rediscover someone you already know) and if it's this Euphy girl, then so be it (but it's not) but it's too soon to tell Suzaku. You confessed to me after 8 years of friendship…"

"Yea and you rejected me." Suzaku couldn't help the bit of resentment and frustration in his tone. But before Lelouch could protest, Suzaku continued…

"But that's not the point. Actually, I knew that I loved you almost right away Lelouch. It just… took me a long time to work up the courage to tell you. And well, we both know how that worked out. Not that it's a bad thing! Because now I have Euphy and that wouldn't have happened if… you know. But one thing I did take away was not to sit idly by and twiddle my thumbs while I wait for someone else to possibly come and steal her away…" Lelouch wanted to punch himself. In fact, he might actually do it later. Was this entire thing really because he had done all that stuff?! Oh god. Maybe he wouldn't need to punch himself later, his stomach started churning like someone had just punched it. 'Damn that invisible bakemono!'

"Suzaku, it's SOCIAL convention to wait in these matters. Maybe not eight years but CERTAINLY NOT 3 fucking months! You just went from one extreme to the OTHER, both unhealthy!"

"Well then it's a mistake I'm willing to make." And that sentence effectively shut down ALL of Lelouch's arguments. And THAT PISSED HIM OFF.

"Oh that's JUST like you. Fuck analyzing anything. Join the Britannian army, who cares if they send you off to your death. Who cares if they beat you and try to rape you countless times. Because it's a mistake you're willing to make, RIGHT?!" Fuck. Maybe that wasn't the best thing for Lelouch to have said at that time.

But he couldn't just allow Suzaku to shut him out and chalk this up as a 'mistake he was willing to make' because… because, Lelouch NEEDED Suzaku. He needed him in his life, needed him as a lover, needed him as more than a friend. They had been friends once before but neither were OK with staying that way. 'What makes you think it'll work this time!? And…' oh god Lelouch felt sick at the next logical thought 'does that mean you're willing to toss away our relationship altogether for this girl?'

"Wow… the alcohol hasn't even arrived yet and you're already going there. I.. I think I should go Lelouch." Oh no. no no no.

"I'm sorry Suzaku, I just… please don't disregard everything I'm saying because you want to be impulsive. You… you're not the only one who will get hurt if you get hurt." This was the first time Lelouch had ever been so open with Suzaku, telling him he loved him (even if he lied about not being in love) and telling him how he would feel if Suzaku ever got hurt. It seemed to work to, Suzaku's eyes immediately filled with emotion. Affection that Lelouch KNEW was love. He only hoped it was a romantic love. Suzaku came to the bed and sat next to him and hugged him. Lelouch clung to him. This time… Suzaku allowed the hug to linger, long past appropriate. He didn't even flinch when Lelouch turned his head and breathed hot air on the brunettes neck. Lelouch got a bit more daring and rested his open lips against Suzaku's neck.

"L…lelouch… stop, please." But there was tension in his words and he was whispering, a clear show of a lack of conviction.

"Why?" Lelouch mouthed the word onto Suzaku's neck. The brunette swallowed hard.

"B..because I'm in love with someone else and it's inappropriate." Lelouch backed off, scowling.

"AGAIN with THAT Suzaku?! I thought we just went over…"

"We didn't settle anything Lelouch. Nothing's changed. I… I've heard what you've had to say and I hugged you because, I want you to know that I KNOW you care. I know you care about me enough that you would hurt if I got hurt. But… Lelouch. I'm sorry, it doesn't change anything. I'm soo in love with Euphy. And… just meet her, for me, please, you won't regret it. You'll love her too, I KNOW you will." Lelouch excused himself to the bathroom before Suzaku could read the hurt in Lelouch's amethyst eyes. The raven-haired boy was pretty damn good at hiding his emotions behind his classic stoicism. But if anyone could read behind that, it was Suzaku. And especially with Lelouch so clearly unhinged, it'd be easy for him.

Lelouch couldn't help the few tears that trickled down his face as he gathered himself. 'Oh god, have I lost him forever…? No, no don't think like that, you just have to try harder. The boy's dense.' Plus there were so many clear indications that Suzaku still loved Lelouch. He just needed to focus on those.

Lelouch only got Suzaku to drink one of his gin and tonics before the boy excused himself to go back to his house. Lelouch wasn't sure if he had plans with Euphy or was going to see her at all later but he was glad regardless that Suzaku didn't mention it to him if he was. Lelouch drank 3 drinks and in hindsight, that was probably a bad bad idea because he couldn't curtail the endless barrage of thoughts like whether Euphy stayed the night with Suzaku or if they had a sexual relationship. Lelouch threw up a few times that night and the alcohol was only partially responsible.


	3. Chapter 3

Lelouch's woke up feeling as fucked as his life currently was. He promptly went for his phone.

*RING RING*  
"Hey LELOUCH!"

"AHhhh.. Suzaku… please don't yell"

"heh… had a rough night, huhn?"  
"Yes… so… listen, about brunch with your fi… Euphy, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel. I don't think I can handle being around myself let alone other people right now."

*Heavy Sigh* "Y…Yeah ok Lelouch. Is dinner ok?"

"Dinner? Today?"

"Yes, dinner, today, tonight… I really want you to meet Lelouch. I…it would mean so much to me."

"Right. Ok, let me recuperate. I think I should be fine by dinner. Late dinner. Very late."

"haha, sounds good! I'll text you in an hour or so with details, you can make it there on your own right? I can pick you up if need be"

"N..no. The hotel can arrange a rental car for me, send me the details, and please pick a quaint, not extravagant place."

"Really? You've never been a hole-in-the-wall restaurant kind of guy. I WAS thinking of an exquisite French restaurant. Low lights, quiet, good for hangovers." 'And romantic' Lelouch thought, although that wasn't the primary reason he had made the request.

Being back in the capital of Britannia, Lelouch had to be mindful of his surroundings. Pendragon boasted some of the best restaurants in the world and the higher end ones always had booths reserved for aristocrats, and especially for members of the royal family, who frequented often and verily.

"Plus I figured you would want to boast your fluency in French." God. Were there ANY topics that Lelouch and Suzaku would be able to speak about without it somehow alluding to their sexual encounters!? Lelouch's French maid was one of Suzaku's favorites, not that he had afforded the brunette the privilege of indulging in the fantasy more than just that once. It was two years ago for Suzaku's birthday and Lelouch had to get belligerently drunk before acquiescing to his lovers request. Although, Suzaku's strict requirement for Lelouch to only speak in French the entire night inadvertently backfired on the young brunette as Lelouch had found ample opportunities to chastise his lover throughout the night. It felt nice, retribution without actually hurting Suzaku's feelings. Lelouch rarely showed that level of consideration for anyone.

Sufficed to say, that night quickly went to the top of Suzaku's list of best fetishes ever ever in the history of history even though Lelouch was adamant when he said "NEVER AGAIN." But now, god, now… Lelouch would dawn ostentatiously gaudy drag in front of the royal family if it meant he could sleep with Suzaku. Ok, well, maybe he would do that anyways. For pleasure. Fine, he would dawn drag in front of Nunnally if it meant he could sleep with Suzaku. Possibly. Maybe. (Not). But the consideration itself of Lelouch actually possibly doing that (dear readers) should be enough of an indication of how much Lelouch loved this boy.

"Well, if you want me to speak in another tongue, then why don't you find a nice little Spanish, Mexican, or Brazilian restaurant. I've become pretty fluent in Portuguese." Suzaku's jaw dropped. Lelouch had mentioned just starting to learn the language a few years back. Even with Lelouch mentioning the similarity to Spanish, Suzaku was still awe-struck at this boys level of intellect. It went on to remind himself that their discrepancy in mental acuity was probably a factor in why Lelouch and he weren't suitable, or at least, why Suzaku wasn't suitable enough for Lelouch. A sad lie that the brunette had unfortunately come to accept as a truth.

"Sure. I can do that. But you know… I still think my favorite is when you speak Japanese." Well, in love or not, some engrained very pleasurable habits were no doubt, going to be hard to break.

"Well, considering it's your native language. That makes sense." Lelouch spoke the sentence in a tone that Suzaku knew all too well.

"I don't know Lelouch, maybe. Maybe I like that I know when you're being mean or…" Suzaku cut himself off before going on.

"Or… what?" Lelouch didn't want him to stop. Oh God. Please let him finish. Suzaku knew that tone of Lelouch's voice was that of subconscious arousal. It was something Suzaku had come to notice about the raven-haired male over the years but had never divulged to said male. It was hidden behind those emerald eyes… his own little clandestine treat that he reveled, indulged in, well used to revel in… maybe still did revel in, a bit. Mostly it was so hot because Lelouch had no idea he was doing it consciously, therefore, without outward mention of it, Lelouch was completely and totally unaware of how his voice sounded during the stage of mental arousal that not necessarily always translated to physical arousal… well, physical arousal when Suzaku was there to help it progress to that stage.

"Well… ah… you know…" Lelouch wondered if maybe Suzaku was also picturing the many times Lelouch would whisper naughty things to him in different languages. Or maybe the brunette was even reliving the French Maid ordeal like Lelouch. The raven-haired male HOPED and in a desperate bid to continue Lelouch slipped into the language like a worn glove;

"Iie, wakaranai… Onegaishimasu, Suzaku?" Lelouch lowered his voice and begged in a deep scintillating voice.

"I… I have to get going Lelouch. Sorry. I'll text you the information." Suzaku hung up and shook his head to clear the lusty fog and to right (read: unmelt) his mind. It was kind of scary to him how Lelouch still had so much effect on him. But Suzaku always reminded himself that it was only physical, only a physical attraction and that wasn't fulfilling or healthy in life.

This time, when Suzaku hung up, Lelouch threw his phone as hard as he could onto the bed. 'FUCK'

* * *

*BZZZZZZZZZ* Lelouch looked at the offending piece of machinery and opened the incoming text.

'Hey Lelouch. Sorry about abruptly hanging up on you like that. It's hard sometimes. And you're my best friend, it's you who I would usually talk to about stuff… but well, for obvious reasons, I can't. Anyways, SeVilla at 8:30 p.m. ok? It'll be you, me, Euphy, and closest sister. I can't wait for you to fall in love with them like me.' Lelouch hated how Suzaku was so contrary. His text gave Lelouch hope and then stole it away in the next sentence. Amethyst eyes scanned the webpage open to SeVilla's homepage. 'Ok, it seems low-key enough.' Besides, Lelouch had specified Spanish or Mexican because it was notoriously hated by the royal family. But not as much as Japanese of course, but not even Lelouch's hatred of Britannia would have made it OK for him to recommend they go to a Japanese place. Lelouch smiled at the memory of the brunette mentioning how Lelouch became fluent in two infamously hated languages in Britannia.

It really was the former-prince's own little form of rebellion.

Lelouch was sitting, waiting for the party to arrive, trying to relax with a glass of wine. It helped, in ebbing the hangover and in calming the nerves. That is, until Lelouch saw Suzaku enter. At the sight of the brilliant brunette in the most gorgeous suit, the most prideful, haughty, egotistical, ex-prince of Britannia lost all his nerve and fled like a little bitch to the restroom to have his anxiety attack in peace. After five minutes of hyperventilating, Lelouch finally left the sanctuary of the bathroom but his peace was all too short-lived when he peaked around the corner to see Suzaku Kururugi sitting with none other than Princess Euphemia Li Britannia. Lelouch's eyes went wide. His mouth went agape. His jaw hit the floor. His mind went blank. All Lelouch could do was idly mumble…

"how… how is this possible? Royals? With an eleven? My Euphemia? With MY Suzaku…?! W…what's… happening…" The anxiety attack was slowly building again. That is, until a soft, familiar voice jolted Lelouch back to reality.

"Lelouch. It's you, isn't it! Oh, I had a feeling when Suzaku described you to us. Euphy wasn't the slightest bit suspicious but I knew, I KNEW and I was so happy when Suzaku decided to keep her royalty a secret to surprise you. But… I was also SO scared that he would tell you or let it slip and you would run again. OH LELOUCH."

"Nunnally." Was all Lelouch could whisper. And maybe if he had thought about it, maybe if he hadn't been in shock, he could have played it off but the unbridled emotion in that utterance of her name, it said it all. Finally, Lelouch's mind resurfaced and he was able to regain some of his mental faculties. The raven-haired male at least had the presence of mind to quickly wheel Nunnally's chair into the mens bathroom and lock it behind him before hugging his dear sister, who was bawling and sniffling against her brothers chest.

"Shhh… Nunnally. Shhh… stop baby girl. You… you have to pull yourself together. Please, I know I have no right to ask anything of you but please, please for me, Suzaku and Euphy can't know." Even though Lelouch's love for Suzaku was a major reason, now it became a secondary yet no less painful reason. Lelouch had never been able to handle his dear little sisters tears and it seemed that was something that had not changed.

After a few more seconds of crying, Nunnally finally comprehended what Lelouch had said and composed herself.

"No Lelouch. You aren't leaving again. I won't let you, lose you. You can't, you… you have to explain. And fuck it. Even if you DON'T EXPLAIN. You can't leave ME. NO!" Lelouch stumbled back, unable to register what was going on in front of him. Had his sweet innocent little sister just curse and yell at him? Well, he supposed he deserved it.

"Ok Nunnally. I'll… just, if Euphy doesn't know, let me get out of here, and I'll meet you somewhere else."

"SWEAR IT LELOUCH. PROMISE ME you won't bail on me again!" Nunnally knew that her brother wouldn't have just left her if it wasn't some huge extenuating circumstance and before he was able to elucidate, she could at least afford her brother whatever he was requesting, lest he be put in danger.

"I swear, vow, promise. I won't. Our favorite park, tomorrow at 6 a.m. come with someone you trust, someone unrelated to us."

"Ok… what are you going to tell Suzaku? He… won't be happy."

"Always worrying about others, you haven't changed." Lelouch let forth a winsome smile.

"Maybe I'm worrying about Suzaku because he's Euphy's fiancé and the love of her life." The words broke Lelouch's heart. Especially hearing them from his dear sweet little sister. Maybe Lelouch couldn't fight fate, maybe Euphy and Suzaku were each others one true loves.

Well, the raven-haired male had long ago accepted he couldn't have a normal or happy life and that hasn't and wouldn't change so really, what right did he have to Suzaku? The boy deserved to be happy. Him more so than anybody. And not just because Lelouch loved him but because the by any standards, Suzaku was amazing. And Lelouch couldn't supply the level of happiness Suzaku deserved. So be it.

Lelouch kissed his sister on the cheek and snuck out the back door, ignoring the incessant buzzing of his phone… finally, Lelouch could do something he had wanted to the first night Suzaku had called him to let him know about his engagement. The ex-prince chucked his phone at the nearest brick wall, shattering it into pieces. Then he rummaged his SIM chip out of it and broke that in half before he raced to his hotel and packed in lightening speed, opting for a sleazy motel as his second destination after writing a quick letter to Suzaku. It was one of the hardest letters he'd ever written, second only to the one Lelouch had left for Nunnally so many years back.


	4. Chapter 4

Suzaku was furious. WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING HELL. At first, the brunette had been angry beyond belief. Then at Euphy's calm prompting, Suzaku's anger translated into full blown worry and panic over whether something bad had happened. And presently it was back to excessive rage, laced with a bit of confusion because he was currently at Lelouch's hotel, sitting with an envelope in his hand handed to him by the concierge, who had only told Suzaku that the raven-haired male had "left in an extreme haste." WHAT THE FUCK. Suzaku was so mad he almost tore the letter in his hand up. It was only the fact that this was so uncharacteristic of his best friend that prevented him from doing so. The brunette did tear it though, he tore it open and inadvertently ripped some of the paper. Not that it would have mattered since there were only a few sentences.

'Dear Suzaku,

I'm sorry. I hope you and Euphy have a wonderful life together. Maybe I could have accepted you joining the Britannian army, but I could never accept you marrying into the royal family. I'm sorry. So sorry. Thank you for always being there for me.

Love,

Lelouch.

P.S. Don't look for me. I don't wish to see you ever again.

* * *

Lelouch didn't care that his letter was just as contrary as Suzaku had been with him the last few days, saying how sorry he was while still condemning the brunettes actions. Lelouch just couldn't not say sorry though, especially if it was the last thing he was going to say to the brunette. And this was the safest way, safest for Nunnally… and Suzaku. To fabricate a lie from a half truth. Lelouch really couldn't stand Suzaku marrying into the Royal family, let alone one of his favorite half-sisters. But the truth was, if it really came down to it, he just wanted Suzaku to be safe and happy.

The sentimentality of it all made Lelouch sick. Sick that he had allowed himself to become so attached to someone. It was his own fault he was in this situation and now he had to endure whatever adverse consequences to fix it.

* * *

Lelouch had left because he thought Suzaku was a TRAITOR?! What. The. Fuck. Suzaku was too angry too really rationalize how little sense the letter really made. And he very deftly ignored all the things left unwritten… signs that screamed Lelouch loved him, was maybe _in_ love with him and maybe that's why it was too hard, that's why he left. Suzaku promptly threw the letter away and stormed out of the hotel, not knowing where he was going.

The brunette walked around for 3 hours, mind reeling before he came to a conclusion. Fuck Lelouch. Fuck him for doing this. Fuck him for doing it in such a blasé and fucked and… final way.

As if Suzaku hadn't endured immense hardships for the raven-haired male! Like it was EASY to get back in bed with the man he had confessed to and been rejected by. Like it was EASY being best friends with a man who constantly moved from place to place, never staying put for more than a few weeks at a time. Even though Lelouch was a graphic designer, it was HIS own FAULT for deciding to take on jobs that would leave him an itinerant nomad. Why anyone found that sort of lifestyle preferable was beyond Suzaku but he had long ago dropped the subject.

Sometimes the brunette wondered if his joining the military was a sort of overcompensation for the lack of stability that Lelouch offered. Strict regimens, discipline, rigidity, and stability. And possible death for an oppressive dictatorship, all seasoned with killing people and sometimes collateral damage of innocent lives. Whatever, WHY was Suzaku all of a sudden questioning THAT aspect of his life?! God Lelouch had jumbled his mind up. He needed his anchor, so he went home and invited his fiancée over, not realizing that even though Lelouch wasn't always in one place, up until recently, the raven-haired boy had still been Suzaku's anchor to reality, to sanity. Lelouch was always available for those late night phone calls when Suzaku had nightmares about his job. In fact, Lelouch wouldn't ever bring up his jaded thoughts on Suzaku's job during those times, opting instead to just calm his friend back to some semblance of peace. And many times, to redirect Suzaku's thoughts to other, more pleasurable things. But somewhere along the line, Suzaku had unconsciously switched anchors from raven to pink.

* * *

Suzaku held Euphy close as he cried and recalled the events that led up his current state. The brunette was still in shock. It was still impossible to comprehend that he had potentially lost his best friend. That Lelouch chose to no longer be in his life.

"Shh… Suzu. I'm so sorry this happened. But if he can't accept you for you, then, it's his loss. And if he can't accept us. Well, I can't say that I even WANT to meet someone like that." And given Euphy's knowledge about the prior nature of Suzaku and Lelouch's relationship added to the obvious hold the boy clearly had on her fiancé, made it so she was somewhat relieved at this outcome. What she hated though, was seeing Suzaku like this. But with time and her help, she was sure Suzaku would heal from this.

"D.. don't say that Euphy… please, I get where you're coming from, it makes perfect sense but… somethings wrong." Suzaku really couldn't explain the sudden bout of possessiveness he felt for his best friend. One that had just pulled the most heinous act he'd ever encountered. But maybe it was hearing those harsh words from someone else, someone so dear to him, that jump started his mind to how utterly surreal this situation was. Was Lelouch flakey? Yes. Was Lelouch irresponsible? Yes. Was Lelouch rude and inconsiderate? Yes. Was Lelouch ever any of those things towards Suzaku? No. Not purposefully. So although it wasn't extremely out of character for Lelouch to pull something like this, it was that he did so with Suzaku.

The brunette couldn't help the trickle of doubt that there had to be more to this. Euphy could clearly see and hear the compassion and love (platonic, she hoped) her fiancé held for this other boy, so she phrased her response carefully.

"You're right. I'm sorry this happened. Maybe he had other reasons… Do you have the letter? May I read it?" Suzaku jumped up at the memory. Without even explaining, he ran back to the hotel to retrieve the letter. Had he really just thrown away possibly the last thing Lelouch had ever said to him?! The only thing that might hold clues to his whereabouts or a deeper rationale for what he did. Because although Suzaku read the words, he couldn't help the ever sprouting seed of doubt that had rooted itself in his mind… and heart.

* * *

"This is Rolo Haliburton… Rolo, this is Lelouch. My Lelouch."

The raven-haired male took the younger boys proffered hand and shook it, pretty damn hard. Lelouch was an intuitive person, especially when it came to his sweet little sister and something nagged at him that this boy was NOT in a platonic relationship with his dear Nunnally.

"And, how do you know Nunnally, Rolo?" Lelouch wasn't a big advocate of subtlety when he wanted answers this badly.

Nunnally laughed and took Rolo's hand and squeezed it reassuringly, drawing a scowl from her brother.

"Get that scowl off your face Lelouch. I know it's there. I believe my gesture has adequately answered your question as to the nature of our relationship. You taught me actions speak louder than words." Even though Nunnally was a blind, cripple… she knew Lelouch inside and out and maybe she was just a little peeved.

"S… sorry." Lelouch's demeanor relaxed a bit. Only a bit.

"Also, he's my fiancé, Lelouch." Tension back. Ten-fold. No twenty… ah, fucking, more like infinite-fold back.

"WHAT?!" The ex-prince fell off the park bench. 'I need to go see a medium or priest to get this fucking bakemono to stop toying with me!'

"I bet that was entertaining to watch, am I right, Rolo?" Nunnally teased.

"Yes dear, it was pretty enjoyable." Rolo glared at Lelouch. Ah, so he resented Lelouch as well for leaving Nunnally. The glare actually endeared the boy to the amethyst-eyed male. It screamed of love, affection, devotion, and protection for Nunnally and well, Lelouch could sympathize with that.

"Rolo… could you please go wait in the car while I speak with my brother…?"

"I would rather not leave you alone Nunnally." And that hurt Lelouch interspersed with a slight twinge of admiration for the young boy. But mostly, angry, because if there was one person Nunnally would be safe with, it was Lelouch. He would and had made DAMN sure that was a universal truth. That WAS why he left after all. But before he could enlighten the smaller boy, Nunnally interjected.

"Rolo…" Something in Rolo caved at Nunnallys tone. Lelouch knew the tone well, one of pleading sincerity. One that he himself was weak to. And he was glad to see Rolo was as well as the boy glared at Lelouch while he calmly walked back to his car.

"His stride holds discipline and he's vigilant. Why is that Nunnally?"

"He was a former assassin and my personal knight prior to our engagement." Lelouch wasn't sure how he felt about that. On the one hand, having someone strong was good but someone who was so impure? Someone with stained hands? For his dear sweet Nunnally?

"I know what you're thinking Lelouch and if I haven't conveyed to you yet, I'm not as innocent as you remember. I… something broke in me after you left. And let's just say, I was doing things that put me in a position where I needed an adept assassin as my knight." Lelouch couldn't help but feel immense remorse and pain at Nunnally's words.

"Oh Nunnally. Oh. God. I… I'm so sorry…. Please…" But before he could go on with his platitudes, Nunnally interjected.

"Lelouch, stop. I'm not here to listen how sorry you are. I was never dubious of that. I want to know why. That is the only thing that will endear you to me. I love you. That will never change. I even forgive you, without even knowing why. But I want to forgive myself too, so I can forget those times in my life. But every time I do… it's hard Lelouch. So hard, without all the answers. Please, tell me."

Lelouch watched his sisters plead for sincerity. And it was too late for him to circumvent, redirect, project, lie... He couldn't lie, not to Nunnally, never to Nunnally. It was why he had left the way he did, fearing that any personal interaction with her would just further any potential danger.

"I… I… did it to… for you Nunnally. To keep you safe."

"Oh Lelouch. I knew it. I knew I was the reason you left."

"NO NUNNALLY! DON'T BLAME YOURSELF! Blame me. PLEASE. BLAME ME. I put myself in the situations which made it unsafe for me to stay. Made my presence unsafe for you. You were… you are… perfect, innocent." Nunnallys hand trembled as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"W..hat situation was that Lelouch?"

"I… can't tell you everything, I can't tell you details Nunnally. I won't. But well… when I interned at Schneizel's firm, many of his competitors took a liking to me. Some for their daughters, some for themselves, some just found me interesting. When Schneizel approached me about the task of 'gathering vital information', I… I trusted him to be thorough even though, I had a feeling it was all less than kosher... I was young. So young and stupid and, naively trusting. There are so many things I would re-do or never have done in the first place. God, even if I had just been more involved in the planning stages... But… well, it got the point where, people… organizations… could have done some major damage to me and… somehow someone found out about me, about us. How you were… are, the closest and most important person to me. It spread, so I left." Lelouch left out a few of the more daunting details, such as the overt threat he had received concerning Nunnally. Or how he had toppled one of the most powerful clans in all of Japan, leaving him a high priority target, probably still to this day.

"Oh… … … Lelouch." Nunnally was crying as she whispered her brothers name.

"Di…d you… were you… hurt?" Lelouch realized what she was asking. If he had been abused sexually by these men.

"No. I…" 'God I can't believe I'm about to talk about this to my sister' "I never had any… relations with anyone. Just their lewd advances and one very tense situation… but I was able to get away safely." It was actually that instance which had been the content supplying most of Lelouch's nightmares. The other nightmares consisting of Nunnally getting hurt in some way. It was that incident which had really fucked Lelouch's sexuality up. It compounded his intimacy issues, made him dread closeness, caused him to recoil at tactile sensations. That is, until an emerald-eyed brunette came into his life.

"T..thank God! Uhm… Lelouch…?" Nunnally was clearly struggling with how she wanted to phrase her next question. The most important question she would ever ask of her brother.

"Yes Nunnally?"

"A… are you happy?" Lelouch closed his eyes and was for the first time in his life thankful that his sister wasn't able to see his body visibly shaking.

"I… am just fine, Nunnally. Elder brothers are supposed to fret over younger sisters, not the other way around." Nunnally had her answer. The trembling redirection was a resounding 'No.' She wondered if her brother had been happy at any point during their separation. She felt sad. So sad.

"Oh Lelouch. What absurd logic is that?! Utter nonsense and I think you know damn well that's not how it works. Especially with us. With me and you." Lelouch hung his head, knowing damn well that no matter what, his sister would always worry over him.

"Yes. You're right. I didn't mean to upset you. I love you, so much." Nunnally could hear the finality in Lelouch's words and it hit her like a ton of bricks… he was bringing the conversation to and end. And end where she may never see her brother again.

"I..I want to see you again. Discretely is fine. Even just once more. Please, don't deny me what little time I can have with you before your inevitable departure from me again." Lelouch had to seriously contemplate her words for a couple of minutes.

"My flight leaves in a week. Let me figure something out. I'll contact you. I will call and hang up after three rings and call again either from the same, different, or blocked number after another ten minutes. It should be enough time for you to secure your location. If not, don't answer and I'll attempt again at a later time. With the same system." Lelouch went and put his hand in his sisters. She grabbed it and Lelouch was again reminded of how his sister could convey such emotions through touch. Her grip screamed desperation, hope, and above all else, love.

"I love you so much Nunnally. I'm so sorry you went through all that because of me." Nunnally had to act quickly for fear of her brother just piling on regrets and blame onto himself for his entire life.

"N..no Lelouch. Just as you were responsible for your actions, my accountability cannot be disregarded or redirected so easily. Besides, it hardened me, made me stronger. As much as you love your innocent, pure Nunnally… we both know that in this world, that demeanor would not have lasted."

"I wish I could change the world for you Nunnally. Into a gentle world where you could smile freely and remain in…"

"What… blissful ignorance? I like who I am now. And to be honest, I thank you for it."

"Well… to be honest with you as well, I kind of like it too. It'll certainly alleviate some of my apprehension at your…"

"Naivety and inability to take care of myself?!"

"N..NO!"

"Lelouch…" Nunnally scolded.

"Well… maybe, a little. Although I had and still have complete faith in your ability to take care of yourself. I wouldn't have left you like that if I didn't."

"Yes, I know that. Thank you."

"It's been suspiciously long now Nunnally. You should get going back." Nunally's heart broke a bit at the thought of maybe never seeing her dear brother again. Lelouch immediately picked up on it.

"I will call you. I swear it." The relief washing the frown off Nunnally's face made Lelouch smile.

"Thank you. I… love you Lelouch. So much. Thank you. Thank you for telling me. Thank you for your sacrifice to keep me safe, however unwarranted I might find it."

"Well, no matter how much you might think it so, I won't."

"I know that, too."

"I love you too, Nunnally. Be safe." Lelouch kissed Nunnallys cheek before ushering Rolo to come back to meet them halfway as Lelouch handed the reigns of the wheelchair over to him. And he found himself being surprisingly less apprehensive at doing so.


End file.
